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Ruminating on Instant Gratification

Keeping with the theme of out of country and in country travel, I recently went to visit my brother, bassoon player extraordinaire, at his Butler University in Indiana.  Unlike my trip to visit my father, I didn’t take a train this time. Instead, I put the pedal to the metal, busted out some Joni Mitchell, and drove there all by myself.  My Driver’s Ed teacher would be so proud.*

I had relatively few problems, but on my return back to ole BloNo** I got lost amidst a tangle of construction and exits, and ended up staying on I-74 East for almost forty minutes before I was able to wind my way back through Indianapolis back onto I-74 West.

On my long drive, I noticed a few things. A surprisingly large amount of churches, for one, and two, a sign on a stately looking brick building reading “Instant Tax. ” Upon sighting this, I quipped aloud, “No such thing,” before I realized as a hired member of a tax company (despite specific job capacity and an ultra amateur knowledge of the system itself) such a remark was rather sacrilegious.

I examined my Pavlov-ian response. As with the rest of the population, I have been conditioned to begrudge the IRS and taxes as a whole. But why? Aside from all sorts of political issues (which I will not even touch in this blog with a ten foot pole), I think the population generally has a feeling that in the eyes of tax companies, we’re just  numbers, not people. Plus, things tend to take forever, or at least according to our day planners.  My rebate isn’t here exactly when I needed it? Well, darn “the man”–the system is out to get me. It couldn’t possibly be that there are millions, possibly more, tax returns in front of mine on the to-be-processed list. No, it’s clearly personal.

A phrase like “Instant Tax” is knee-jerk funny because, despite intellectually knowing better, it seems to be an oxymoron. And actually, it is.

If I had not been focusing solely on getting myself out of Indianapolis, I could have stopped at that little organization and asked them some questions about their definition of ‘instant.’  I’m guessing this tax company chose a catchy name, but they’re probably no fools. They know that instant might mean a few months, and so what if it does? In a world full of drive-through meals and lightning speed internet connections, perhaps we should not expect instant gratification regarding our personal finances.

Instant gratification—now that is an oxymoron.  Nothing worthwhile comes easy or fast.
Slow down, my fellow Americans. Slow down.

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*Fact to understand: I rarely drive.

**Bloomington, Normal.

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AND Where do you think you’re going? Hmm?

You’re not getting away that easily. I didn’t forget about the pop quiz, and you probably didn’t either. Nice try, bucko.

So here it is. Keep in mind I haven’t necessarily taught each of these terms, which I suppose is a flaw on my part. I can accept that. However, if you’ve been reading my blog, I would hope you’ve been reading everyone else’s and taken the time to peruse the site. If this is a safe assumption, I can also assume you have learned these terms.

Define the terms below (s’il vous plait) without doing any research unless you’re wracking your noggin. Keep your answers handy and check back next week for mine. If your answers match mine… congratulations. You’ll have learned something!

Are you ready? Pen and paper poised?

Foreign Income Tax Exclusion

Form 2555

Bonafide Residence Test

Physical Presence Test

“Kia Ora”

Till next week…